he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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