how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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