if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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