I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
