i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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