Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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