dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
