Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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