Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize