Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
