I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
