i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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