I CAN MOONWALK!
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
