just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
