We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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