I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
this hospital has no fireball
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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