i was rollin on her like bob the builder
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
