allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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