This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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