Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
