No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
