It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
