yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
