i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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