ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
