I think i sorta joined a cult last night
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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