I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize