Where are you?
In a non slutty way
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize