WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You are a genius and a whore.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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