where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
soo... how was my night?
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