Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
