Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
