weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
