I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
