If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
