I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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