Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize