I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
