It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
