you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
