It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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