just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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