jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
