after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
This house was built for laser tag.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
