my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
