i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
