He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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