I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
