my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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