At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
