i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
