i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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