I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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