If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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