Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
