just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
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