I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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