At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
