Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
