every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
