I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
