ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
