The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
