Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i barfeds in our rink
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
