girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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