you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
