The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize