if you like me you must not know who I am
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
