Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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