I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize