Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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