if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
