just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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