from now on my penis is your penis
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Still dying that you shit outside
I just want nice things and good sex
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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