he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
