Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
