I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
