You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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