Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
